The 10 Worst V-Day Gifts…Or So They Say (Part Two)

Now for part two of me picking apart the Yahoo article I found earlier today, The 10 worst V-Day gifts... written by Laura Gilbert. Let us not waste any time and dive right back into it.

6. Racy sleepwear

 What’s wrong with it: Look, we all know that when you buy someone underwear, it’s more for you than for her. So don’t use Valentine’s Day as your excuse to present all the secret fantasies you’ve been keeping hidden away for the last 364 days. “A lot of the lingerie you see in stores for Valentine’s Day is opposite of women’s tastes,” warns Silvestri. Something that’s not her style can make her feel uncomfortable (figuratively and literally) — and criticized. The point of V-Day is to make couples feel happy about being together, so the last thing you want to say is “I don’t think you’re sexy enough — put this on.”

A simple solution: Buy a black or lacy version of a type of undergarment she already wears, if you two are intimate enough to know that kind of thing. At least you know you’re somewhere within her comfort zone. Or acknowledge the weather outside with something that will actually caress her skin for more hours than you: long, silk underwear.

When I first read this one I was bothered by it, but now my feeling s are somewhat mixed. I’ve always wanted to own racy sleepwear, I find some of it to be kind of pretty, and so I would personally love it as a gift. Still, buying them for someone else can be a bad idea. This is one where it really depends on the person and your relationship with them. I will say that I find the suggestion to buy someone long, silk underwear for Valentine’s Day to be kind of odd. I think a regular nightgown or pajamas would be a idea.

7. Anything that could be considered a small appliance

 What’s wrong with it: A toaster, a humidifier, a yogurt maker... trust us, if she needed it so badly, she’d have gotten it already. “Being too practical is a real romance killer — no one wants anything with an electrical cord for Valentine’s Day,” says Silvestri. (Disclaimer: This rule can be waived if you’re buying an mp3 player or pre-loading a digital camera with shots of yourself holding up signs that say “Will you marry me?”). Here’s how one recipient puts it: “My boyfriend knows I love to cook, especially Asian food. But when I unwrapped a rice cooker last Valentine’s Day,” says Amy, 39, of Portland, ME, “it just felt very roommate-like or haus-frau-ish... as if he didn’t see me as this amazing woman who rocks his world.”

A simple solution: Get her something she absolutely does not need but that you know she’d love, whether it’s a helicopter tour of the city or a pair of microfiber massaging slippers. C’mon, it’s a day for romance, which is supposed to be fun — think about her definition of that and shop accordingly.

 This is where I start to get angry. First is the fact that it says not to buy something too practical right after suggesting you buy your sweetheart long underwear. Second is the example story they use here. Maybe it’s my annoyance making me be harsher than I should be, but am I the only one who is bothered that the guy who tried to be thoughtful and get his girlfriend something related to her interests, and that she could have real use for, is somehow doing it wrong? I feel like at this point you simply can’t win.

8. A nice bottle of cologne or perfume

 What’s wrong with it: It’s a time-honored gift, and all that fancy packaging might actually make you think you’re buying something your pumpkin will love. But the same spritz that reminds you of a splendid beach holiday in Europe may smell like bath day at the zoo to your beloved. Problem is, “Perfume choice is so specific that it’s a real challenge,” says Leusner. “It’s almost impossible to know what smells good to another person.” And let us not forget that nothing says “You smell weird” better than a bottle of concentrated fragrance. Recalls Danielle, 29, of Oakbrook, IL: “I like really feminine floral perfumes. When my boyfriend gave me this intense, musky stuff one year, I felt like, ‘Do you not know how I like to smell? or are you trying to tell me you wished I smelled like someone else?’ It really did a number on my confidence!”

A simple solution: Buy a soap, aftershave, or other body product in a fragrance that your loved one already has, or go for a high-end unscented body lotion.

 This is ridiculous. Well, I should be fair. The first part is true and I can’t really complain about it. However this quickly goes from true and decent advice in one sentence to stupid in the next. If you get perfume as a gift and your first thought is “do this person think I smell bad” then you are at best, someone who has self-esteem issues and at worst just paranoid. Either way you should do your best to remember that not everything comes with a hidden or double meaning. Sometimes someone buys you perfume simply because they think you’ll like it.

Oh and I just love the solution here. Perfume totally sends the message that you think the person you bought it for smells bad but soap? Why that can’t possibly give the wrong idea. Also glad to see they book ended the “don’t go too practical” entry with the suggestion of soap or aftershave. Those aren’t boring or practical at all.

9. A tie

 What’s wrong with it: “Women actually have a harder time than men shopping at Valentine’s Day, because there are fewer gift options for men than for women,” says Silvestri. “Still, a tie is a big yawn.” It’s amazing how many women complain about generic gifts and then hit the tie aisle for their man. At best, the tie is by a great designer — which the guy likely won’t care about. At worst, it’s a novelty accessory featuring pigs, the Blues Brothers, or some other unwearable gimmick. But usually, it’s just “about” the color the guy usually wears, meaning he already owns a dozen of ’em.

 A simple solution: Head a little further into the menswear section and pick out a great scarf instead — it’s more casual and therefore more wearable; some fun or extra-soft (cashmere, maybe) socks; or another item that shows a dash more originality.

 Once again I can’t really argue to much here. Ties are not the kind of gift I’d I would suggest for most. There are likely plenty of guys out there who appreciate getting a nice tie but really, when I think of buying a tie for a man, it’s a lot like buying bath products for a woman. Safe. However I’m pretty sure that you’ll have about as easy a time finding a man who’s into scarves as you will one who is into ties as gifts.  Also, socks. I think I’ve ranted the whole “practical is bad” thing into the ground so I’ll just leave it at that.

10. A gift certificate

 What’s wrong with it: It’s one thing to not know exactly what your cutie might want, but it’s another to throw in the towel entirely. “Gift cards are too impersonal and disappointing,” says Borkowsky. “There’s no actual gift, yet you know how much someone spent. It’s like saying, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, honey — I got you a price tag!’” Any gift for a service or store your partner doesn’t already frequent could be read as your attempt to change the person to your pleasing.

A simple solution: Take the money, reread our suggestions above, and give gift-giving your best shot. Or, to earn bonus points, call your honey’s best pal and ask what to get — that will make a great impression on many levels.

This last point made me so angry I nearly threw something the first time I read it. I was tired and already mad at everything else so I can admit it was an overreaction on my part. That said even now hours later it makes me upset. Most of that is personal; if you were to give me a gift card to any bookstore that sells comics and/or manga and then took me to that store to spend it I would be putty in your hands. Still, that’s just me and I do not speak for everyone. The part that really pisses me off though is this line: Any gift for a service or store your partner doesn’t already frequent could be read as your attempt to change the person to your pleasing. That is some of the most paranoid bullshit I have ever read. Seriously? So when my father bought me a Wal-Mart gift card for Christmas should I have assumed he was trying to subtly tell me that I need to get cheaper taste? Give me a fucking break.

You know what one thing this list doesn’t mention anywhere? That sometimes these gifts are perfect. Some people love traditional red roses, or a silly themed gift, or a bottle of nice perfume. Some people love practical gifts. Some people really don’t give a damn if you buy them anything so long as they get to spend the day with you. How do you know what to get or not get your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day? Ask them. Just ask them what they want. Don’t even go through a third party. If you want it to be a surprise then ask so far in advance that by the time Valentine’s comes around they’ve forgotten about it. And if you’re dating one of those people that refuses to tell you what they want because “you should know without asking” then they will have no one to blame but themselves if you don’t get it right.

To end this I’d like to once again give a shout out to Holly Pervocracy whose Cosmockings are what inspired this. Unlike this, the Cosmockings have some actual good humor to them so I highly suggest you check them out at http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/. Thank you for reading all the way through my mad ramblings. Who knows, maybe I’ll do this again someday.

The 10 Worst V-Day Gifts…Or So They Say (Part One)

While going to check my email on Yahoo I saw a rather interesting article, The 10 worst V-Day gifts... written by Laura Gilbert. I rarely read the articles on Yahoo but this one caught my eye. I knew right away that I probably wouldn’t agree with it but my curiosity got the better of me. As it turns out the article surprised me in two ways; the first being that I actually agree with a few of the points on the list, the second being that the list overall pissed me off.

Not only do I disagree with this list but I disagree vehemently. It goes from being, ironically enough, cliché and predictable to downright insulting. The article left me so upset that I have decided to pick apart the article in the style of Cosmockings, a blog series written by Holly Pervocracy, whose blog can be found here. If you are opened mind and don’t mind reading someone talk about sex, feminism, or BDSM I highly suggest you read her blog.

Now let us get on with the picking apart of the article. The list proper is set up so that it tells you the cliché or bad gift, explains what is wrong with it, and then gives a solution. I will try not to copy everything if only for the sake of brevity, but how much or little I copy will depend on what all I want to address.

We know what you’re thinking: Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s forced. It’s too much pressure. But if you’re dating this month, you’ll probably wind up roaming the aisles for a gift to give your date on February 14th. And, “like it or not, Valentine’s Day becomes a test in which you have to show you’ve been paying attention to the other person’s taste,” says Christine Silvestri, founder of Urban Shopping Adventures, which gives tours of LA’s shopping districts.

First paragraph and already I have an issue. Mostly with the idea that Valentine’s Day is a test for couples. It’s only a test if you or the person you’re dating makes it a test and if that’s the case, odds are Valentine’s Day is not the only day of testing. Also, if you’ve only been dating for a short while then making V-Day a test is bound to end in disappointment.

1. Ye olde bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath

 What’s wrong with it: Yes, you went out and got something nice and romantic. Unfortunately, certain types of flowers are the equivalent of a shrug because they are so predictable and clichéd... and the rose bouquet falls into this category quite neatly. […]Indeed, Frank Leusner, manager of Delphinium Home, a popular gift shop in New York City, says this of the classic red and white bouquet: “There’s absolutely no thought behind it. It’s a copout because it’s just so expected.”

Remember how I said the list was at times itself cliché? How many of you guessed it would start off talking about red roses? I know I did. Now this isn’t an example that I can say personally is bullshit. While I would be happy to get a traditional bouquet I would be just as happy with nearly anything else. I just like flowers. My mother is a completely different story. She has a preferred bouquet and it just happens to be a dozen red roses with a white rose in the center. So at least in her case red and white isn’t a copout, it is how my dad shows that he knows what she likes. The solution given for this is one I can’t really complain about. It’s to branch out and try something other than traditional red roses and to maybe seek advice from someone who knows something about flowers.

2. A box of assorted chocolates

 What’s wrong with it: […] Let’s face it — not all chocolates are created equal. And while a variety pack of sweets shows that you’re trying to cover the bases, the dark (or milk or white) secret is that some of these morsels will be, well, icky. Do the math: Out of every box of 15 assorted chocolates, a woman will probably have three or so favorites. And there’s all that crazy, frou-frou wrapping as part of the picture — enough satin and ribbon to fashion a child’s “princess bride” Halloween costume. So what would you rather get? Three chocolates you want and 21 you don’t — along with a lot of excess red metallic cardboard? Or a small box of something you actually like?

A simple solution: This is where a hefty dose of your sweetie’s favorite sweet can come in handy. “Get creative with your packaging or give it as a gift within a gift — who wouldn’t like that?!” says Silvestri. “If you’re dating a Reese’s peanut butter cup gal, she’d rather have a bag of those in a nice hand-painted bowl or wrapped in a soft scarf than a lifetime supply of random chocolates in a heart-shaped box.”

This one I somewhat agree with. As a picky eater I can attest to the fact that a box of assorted chocolates can end with less than half the box eaten. There’s also food allergies to consider which I’m surprised doesn’t get mentioned in the article. I also agree with the first part of the solution; find out what candy the person likes and just buy that.

What I don’t agree with is the parts about the wrapping. I really like some of the box designs that come out for Valentine’s Day. I’ve actually wanted to buy chocolates just because I wanted the box they came in. And while I can’t say I would be bothered by someone using a hand painted bowl as a means to hold the candy, I’m not so sure how I feel about someone using a scarf to wrap food of any kind. It’s an article of clothing, not tissue paper. But that’s just me really.

3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box

 What’s wrong with it: In truth, most women love something glittery. But the biggest jewelry mistake a man can make is anything in a ring-size box — be it earrings, a pendant, or a 1 oz. tube of saffron — that’s not, in fact, an engagement ring. Women know there are five key probable proposal days (namely, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s, and her birthday), so giving her false hope on one of them is cruel. “When a girl sees that box, she’s either going to freak out because she’s not ready or hope that it is the ring and then be disappointed, so it’s lose-lose,” says Cason.

A simple solution: Even if you do get her, say, pink sapphire earrings — which we’re sure she’ll love — wrap them in a shirt box just so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.

This is the only thing on this list I can’t disagree with. It is easy to imagine the situations they bring up happening. I even agree that the solution is to put the gift in a different shaped box to prevent those situations from happening. The suggestion of using a shirt box made me scratch my head though. That’s something my parents would do on Christmas or my birthday to mess with me. Of course if the person you bought the gift for has a great sense of humor it could work out really well.

4. Something girlie and decorative like a sachet, a candle holder, a silver wishing stone…

 What’s wrong with it: We’re talking about things like rhinestone-studded soap dishes, elaborate aromatherapy dispensing devices, and other stuff people would never buy for themselves. “Anything red and pink and cutesy often winds up being kind of cheap and useless when you look at it on February 15th — the luster is gone,” says Borkowsky. “And any solid red trinket risks saying, ‘I love you — just enough to get you Christmas stuff at 75 percent off.’” Recalls Adrienne, 35, of Cincinnati, “My boyfriend tends to get me things like little heart-shaped pink velvet pincushions or a wreath of red satin hearts for Valentine’s Day, because he thinks that’s in keeping with the theme of the day. I wish I could tell him to stop wasting his money this way. I never use that stuff!” So before plunking down your dough, ask yourself, “Do I see this gift bringing my date pleasure and enjoyment... or do I see it winding up in his or her guest room?” The answer ought to make your purchase decision very clear.

A simple solution: “Bath products are a great choice,” says Leusner. “You can find scents and formulas that suit your boyfriend or girlfriend’s personality, and most people really enjoy using them.”

This is where I start to feel just a bit insulted. I love useless knick knacks so as far as I’m concerned, buying some for me is a good idea. The part about solid red trinkets implying that you bought a Christmas item out of season bugs me as well. Red is the main color of Valentine’s Day so why would someone assume that a random red item is from Christmas, unless they knew for a fact that it was? I also take issue with ‘I love you — just enough to get you Christmas stuff at 75 percent off.’ So what if it was on sale? Valentine’s gifts are to show someone you care and it shouldn’t matter how much the gift costs. I love how the last things said for the What’s Wrong With It section is to ask yourself if the gift will make the person you’re getting it for happy. That is what you should do, but I know that what goes unsaid is “and if you’re holding anything like what we just talked about, the answer is no”.

One more thing, bath products are what I default to as a gift if the person I’m buying it for is someone I do not know at all. This is because bath products can be very impersonal gifts that are not very likely to fail, especially if bought for someone who isn’t against fancy bath products. After everything we’ve read so far doesn’t this solution seem a tad hypocritical?

5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love

 What’s wrong with it: We’ve never heard anyone admit to expressing themselves best through plush koalas, yet that medium remains popular for many a romantic utterance. “It’s so cheesy,” says Leusner. “When you buy that gift, it could be for anyone — even a child. What’s an adult going to do with a stuffed animal?” We’ll tell you what: stuffed animals get tucked somewhere out-of-the-way. And when the romance dies, the Stuffed Bear of Love serves no practical purpose, so the recipient feels pathetic keeping it around as a reminder of her ex (that’s you) and donates it to a children’s charity.

A simple solution: Cut to the chase and make a donation in your honey’s name to a charity you think he or she respects. Now that’s a thoughtful gift.

Now I really do feel insulted. I’m 22 and last Christmas I went to Disneyland with my parents. In one of the store I found a small Zero plushie. Since Nightmare Before Christmas is my favorite movie my parents bought it for me as a gift. I was so happy I actually cuddled it to my chest right away and bounced with pure, childlike glee. I feel a small amount of that glee every time I look at the plushie, not just because I love it, but because it was a gift from someone I love.

As for the part about women donating the stuffed animals gifted by now exes, I would love to meet a woman who has actually done that. Most of the ones I know just throw things like that out as a tiny act of revenge and closure. I would also like to argue that donating money in someone’s name does not strike me as a very thoughtful gift unless the person you do it for is really into supporting charity. Not that it matters because that wasn’t suggested because it’s actually considered a thoughtful gift, it was suggested to drill in the point about the fate of Stuffed Bears of Love.

I am going to break this up into two parts because I only get more pissed off from here on. That generally means I get even more verbose and this is already getting pretty long. So if you’re interested check out part two which will feature such things as appliances, long underwear, and more bath products.

Response Letter From Congressman Inslee About SOPA and PIPA

Back in December I contacted the office of Congressman Inslee to ask that he oppose SOPA and PIPA. I woke up this morning to find the following email in my inbox:

Dear  Ms. Shinkle :

Thank you for contacting me regarding your concerns about H.R. 3261 and S. 968, bills intended to deter and prevent intellectual property. I appreciate hearing from you.

As new technologies are developed, we must work diligently to strike a balance between preserving fair use principles for consumers and reasonably protecting intellectual property. As you may know, H.R. 3261 and S.968 would authorize civil prosecution against an "Internet sites dedicated to infringing activities." Such a site is defined as one that (1) has no significant use other than engaging in or facilitating copyright infringement, circumventing technology controlling access to copyrighted works, or selling or promoting counterfeit goods or services; or (2) is designed, operated, or marketed and used to engage in such activities. As a member of the House of Representatives I will be sure to keep your thoughts in mind should I have the opportunity to consider either bill for a vote. 

I believe it is crucial to give the power of choice to consumers by requiring broadband providers to keep the gateways of information flowing freely. As such, I have consistently voted to keep the Internet free from interference, including becoming an original cosponsor of H.R. 3458, the Internet Freedom Preservation Act of 2009. This legislation would require the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) and other agencies to guard against unreasonable discriminatory favoritism for, or degradation of, content by the operators of the networks that make up the Internet based upon that content's source, ownership, or destination. I will continue to fight to protect the  diverse range of online services and content that consumers enjoy today. 

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me about such an important issue.  For news on current federal legislative issues, please visit my website at  www.house.gov/inslee , where you can also sign up to receive my e-newsletter. My office is here to serve you, so please feel free to contact us in Shoreline at 206-361-0233 or in Washington, D.C. at 202-225-6311 for assistance

                                                                                  Very truly yours,

                                                                                  JAY INSLEE
                                                                                  Member of Congress

Goodbye 2011, You (Mostly) Won't Be Missed

2011 has been an interesting year for me. At the end of 2010 I had a lot of big plans like getting a job, getting my driver's license, going back to school, and possibly starting my own web show. Honestly I'm not sad that my plans didn't work out, it's given me time to do a lot of thinking and really I don't think I could have handled all of it with how 2011 went.


I started off the year with my first cat Ryuichi, who I'd had for seven years, leaving the house and not coming back. Two months later my new kitten Elazul died, we suspect of congestive heart failure or a unknown birth defect. A few months after that my brother, his wife, and their 2 year old son moved back in with us bringing stress my family did not need. Then I got into a huge fight with my parents on Mother's Day over a misunderstanding. By the end of the summer my sister-in-law and nephew moved in with her mother due to the fact that my parents and I could not stand her laziness and bad parenting. That started the several months of my brother resenting my parents, not paying any rent (we allowed this), and making plans to move to Arkansas to live with our biological father. 


The lack of my sister-in-law did nothing to help the stress levels of the house. Nor did my aunt needing my mother to fly to California to help with her asshole boyfriend at the same time my nephew moved back in because the conditions of his grandmother's house being "unlivable" according to my brother. (It was a ploy to guilt my parents into letting my sister-in-law come back. They called his bluff and then everyone lost.) So I got to watch a two year old for a month, that was fun, some days. I then ended the year with a great vacation that was marred by my aunt's now ex-boyfriend getting drunk and fighting with my father, followed by a miserable Christmas spent shopping at Disneyland. On top of that my mother is going to move in with my aunt to take care of her. She will be living in California for three months, coming back to Washington for three months, and then going back to California again. Time will tell how well I handle such a major life change.


That was all the bad of the year but as everyone knows with the bad comes good. My parents and I went back to Disneyland for a "do over" and it was the best day of my year. Despite not getting a job or my driver's license I have returned to school, albeit online, and am doing pretty well. I joined a wrestling podcast, The DarkMatch, earlier in the year and doing that has been some of the most fun I've had in my life. 


However the best thing that happened this year is all the new friends I've made. Through twitter, LiveJournal, the Spoony Experiment Forums, various live streams, and even Skype I have met a lot of great people who seem to enjoy talking to me. The very idea baffles me but I'm thankful. The other members of The DarkMatch have become some of the best friends I've had in a while. They're the reason why I have been able to make friends online when before I would never talk to people I didn't know. All of the members of the Secret Treehouse have been a blast to talk with on twitter and they have all inspired me to finally start writing again, something that means the world to me. The people I have met in live streams have made going to those streams ten times more fun than before and it's always nice to see a familiar name say hello to me. The people I have met on Skype have been great to talk and game with. Playing Action Castle and Betrayal at House On the Hill were great experiences and I can't wait to play more or even just talk with you guys.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that all of you, my online friends, have made the hardships I faced this year bearable. Without all of you I would have been miserable and sunk back into the depression (mild as it was) that I was suffering from the last few years. Thank you guys. I hope you all have a happy new year and that we can continue to have fun next year.